Mendacity

I dont understand myself anymore.. i know what i want, but now that i have it, i just don't seem to be contented. Im not that happy.. Something is missing. Something very important.
Im feeling terribly miserable ayt now and i dont even seem to understand my own mind. It's telling me to do something but I cant seem to figure it out.
Im...
Im....
Im...
Sorry for this..
Im happy, but im not contented. I want something but I cant have it. I got you but ......
Oh damn.......
Im drowning in my selfishness. I only want to give understanding to myself not knowing how to understand others.
Im selfish, sometimes. I know.
Im a bitch. You just can see it...... You're blinded by me....
I hate myself...........
I hate writing this but i want to pour out my miseries through this...
I seek for something i dont know.
I crave for something unreal.
I bleed for something I dont feel.
aaaaaahh!!
Am I fooling you or is it myself that Im causing these shits?
I dont know....
Im blind..
Wish I was numb for me not to feel dreary...
Pain that I've caused myself streaks right through my very veins all the way to my subconscious, eating up my brains, causing me to think absurdly.
i..........
i........................
i........................................
I cant say this....
goodnight........